August is a month that stirs up many emotions in me. Every August I remember that the grace and love of God is truly amazing. Forty-two years ago this month I was a recent high school graduate (barely–that’s another story) and my dreams of becoming a competitive swimmer in college were crushed. My dreams of becoming a collegiate swim coach were now dead and gone. I was lost on every level in my life. During my senior year in high school, the Lord had strategically placed some of the kindest people I had ever met into my life. These sweet young people invited me to a church youth retreat. I can remember sarcastically asking one of them, “A retreat, what are you running away from?” Saying yes to that invitation changed the entire direction of my life. I met the Lord Jesus on August 18, 1978, and I KNEW He was asking me to follow Him with all of my heart and to tell others of what He had done in my life.
August also brings up many memories of the time we spent in the Children’s Hospital at the UCLA Medical Center in Los Angeles, California. As we entered into August in 2006 we had just finished twenty-seven days in and out of the ICU. We’d been told by the transplant team that it was imperative that Stephen received a new liver in August if he was to be with us in September. We were exhausted, we were holding on by a thread. On the morning of August 3rd we received news that a liver was coming to Stephen from the Toronto area. With this news our hopes rose, and we wondered, “Is this it? Is this the news that we’ve been waiting for and now things are going to head in the “right” direction?”
When one receives the news that your loved one is going to receive a life-saving organ you are filled with joy for about five seconds. The next thought that races through your mind is, “O Lord, there’s another family out there that is devastated today.” We learned later that day that a family in Canada had lost their child in a drowning accident. Our hearts ached for that family just like our hearts ached for the family from Colorado that donated their son’s liver to our baby boy back in 1988.
August reminds me that I have many things to look forward to when it’s my time to join our son in heaven. Stephen loved the Lord when he was on this earth and loves him even more now that he lives within “earshot” of Jesus. Can you imagine? Being able to see Jesus, being able to hear his voice. Can you imagine? One of the things I look forward to when I get to heaven is to be able to hear Stephen’s voice. It was the evening of August 3, 2006, it was almost midnight. Stephen was on a gurney being wheeled to the operating room to receive a new liver. As the orderlies and nurses wheeled him toward the double doors they paused and looked back our way. Lynn and I and Brandon and Jason were standing at the other end of that hall and watching him move towards the operating room. When the gurney stopped, Stephen raised his arm and his voice and waved at us while he exclaimed, “Goodnight everybody.” The next morning after several hours in the operating room he was intubated. Little did we know that “Goodnight everybody.”, would be the last words we would hear from him this side of heaven.
The amazing grace and love of God shown to me in August 1978 prepared me for what was going to transpire eighteen days later and for every day since then. The four of us, along with our dear friend Deborah, stood beside his bed as he moved into eternity. The medical battle for his life was like going 100 mph for forty-eight straight days. We lived in the hospital and our whole world was focused on one thing, Stephen’s recovery. It seemed so surreal to be exiting the ICU for the last time and knowing we wouldn’t be going back in there. We didn’t know what to do. Eleven times before we’d been in the hospital and the outcome was always the same, Stephen got better, and he took that “goodbye ride” in the wheelchair to the exit of the hospital. The next few years were the hardest years of our lives. In the future, I’ll share more about how the Lord carried us through seven years of being, “numb”. Despite the fact that we couldn’t feel the Lord’s presence, we knew He was there.
So, August is always a month filled with the memories of my first days as a follower of Jesus and memories of our last (earthly) days with our youngest son, Stephen. I’ve never been back to the place where I was saved (Romans 10:9 – “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.”). I’d love to go back but I really have no idea where it would be in Central Florida.
When Stephen passed away I never wanted to go back to the Westwood area of Los Angeles. As some of you know, we’ve been on a journey with the Lord for many years, and we’ve never known where He would open a door for us to lay our heads. It turns out that just three months after Stephen passed away the next door that would open for us would be in…yep, West Los Angeles…only a few minutes from the hospital. We learned many years ago that the Lord doesn’t want us to be afraid to “go back” to wherever and whatever may have frightened, intimidated or crushed us in the past. He wants us to always know that He is El Shaddai, the All Sufficient One. He is sufficient for every challenge that comes our way, whether we have “history” with that challenge or not. The Lord led us to a missionary apartment for the next five months that was in the “shadow” of a place I never wanted to return to. He did that because He loves us and will not allow us to be overcome by fear if we’ll hold tightly to his garment.
In our next post, we’ll share a story of how the Lord took us back to a place we never wanted to return to. He did that so that we would never be held hostage by something from our past.
Let us know how we can pray for you as you hold His hand and make…The Next Step
